On my 10-year fat-loss journey I’ve had some highs, some lows, made bad choices and some very good ones. I’m certainly not a health or fitness professional, nor do I claim to be. All I can do is speak from my own experience and hopefully inspire some people who know the dark places I’ve been in.
Shame
My struggles with managing my mental health and the effects of body shaming began when I was just a child. My first memory of being shamed for my body was by a nosey auntie shouting “Murat! You look so… ‘flobby’!” from her window across the street while I played with my cousins on a hot summer’s day. I remember the feeling of my cheeks getting flushed with embarrassment and running back home to hide away. Unfortunately that was just the beginning… High school was TOUGH. Then came the mean gays at the gym, in the club and of course the headless profiles on Grindr where people feel empowered to shame and verbally abuse others without consequence.
While I now know that if someone goes out of their way to be unkind to you for no reason, it’s a reflection of their own insecurities, the accumulation of these comments can really make a substantial dent in your mental health. They might be small, shady comments at the time, but those little reads get stored away and build a library of books over time.
The wall my mind had built up made me incredibly insecure. It separated me from friends, family, love interests and most importantly, from myself. How could I love myself when my whole life I’ve been made to believe that I’m not good enough? I have some friends with whom I’ve discussed it at length and most completely get it. Some can’t imagine a world so cruel and can’t empathise at all – probably because they’ve never had body-image issues. They’re very lucky to have not been on the receiving end of fat-shaming comments.
Bottomed out and bouncing back
Weighing in at 272lbs (123.4kg) and 38% body fat, in 2010 I was morbidly obese. A recent university drop-out, I felt incredibly unhappy, lonely and had only the confidence I had learned to put on in my years of working in the hospitality industry in my parents restaurant – a ‘performance’, which has served me well in my professional career.
I remember looking at myself naked in my bedroom mirror and feeling so disgusted that I wanted to end my life. I realised then that if I didn’t take action I might as well throw myself off a bridge and call it a day. Getting that low is when I knew that change needed to happen. Luckily for me, there aren’t many bridges tall enough in the rural countryside around Royal Leamington Spa (sounds posh AF, I know, but it’s not really) where I grew up.
My big sister had accumulated a lot of travel points through work and treated me to a trip to Toronto. While we were there I dragged her to the famous corner of Church & Wellesley. This is where the US (actually Canadian) version of Queer as Folk was filmed! We went for a drink in Woody’s bar. and I remember being so overwhelmed; both by how beautiful Canadian men are (can we talk about those incredible blue eyes please?!) and by how completely and utterly unworthy I felt I was of any of their attention.
My body shame was boiling over and the next day I hit the sports shops and left with a new shiny gym bag, sneakers and workout kit to boot. My story was about to get a re-write. When I got home, I signed myself up to a gym and got into the routine of going every other day. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but I tried to observe and learn from the pro’s while keeping myself out of attention as much as possible. The thought of being the fat guy getting clocked for looking like an idiot at the gym was my idea of hell.
For two years I stumbled through and managed to loose 28lbs (12.7kg) very gradually. Although I had started my fat-loss journey, I hadn’t really changed my diet at all and knew nothing about nutrition. In school we were never taught anything about food apart from how to make some basic dishes, and in my busy Cypriot family, food was family time and we ate whatever my mum put on the table. It’s safe to say that plates were expected to be empty by the end of the meal.
A not-so ‘Lighter Life’
In 2012 I had moved closer to London to start my first full-time creative job. Being exposed to the gay scene in London, I had an all-too familiar increasing feeling of inadequacy and body-shame. Growing more impatient for results, I was talking to a photographer friend of mine who told me about an ‘easy’ diet program she had followed. She had lost a huge amount of weight, so of course I was desperate to try it.
Lighter Life is a complete meal replacement program in which you kiss goodbye to food for three months. You only consume 500 calories per day’s worth of sachets of powder mixed with water in several different guises such as ‘porridge’, ‘soup’ and ‘pudding’. In following the plan to a T I lost a huge 56lbs (25.4kg) in three months. I felt like a new man. While I had a whole new confidence which I had never known before, I was still aware that I couldn’t relax my stomach and still feel slim. At about 18% body fat, I was still on the wrong side of healthy for a male of my age and height.
Over the next 6 years my weight gradually increased to 229lbs (104kg) and 27.3% body fat. I was back to feeling almost as bad as I did before. This time it was even more frustrating, because I felt like I had done the work with Lighter Life. I’d starved myself for three months, got close to a goal and then let it all go.
I wondered ‘how could I let myself down like this? I thought I had learned something?’ But that’s the thing – Lighter Life may have been a big challenge because it’s so drastic, but actually I had learned NOTHING about food. I only learned to replace it with alternatives and overcome hunger pains. I attended the weekly group meetings and explored some interesting things from a mental health perspective but still, this wasn’t sustainable for me in the long-term.
If at first you don’t succeed…
In 2018 I noticed a friend having a lot of success with a new diet. He’d recently been diagnosed with type two diabetes and told me about an eating plan that he was following which was targeted to help diabetics get to a healthy blood sugar level but it was also good for anyone who wants to reach a big fat-loss goal.
I was intrigued so I looked it up and found Dr Michael Mosley’s website for The Blood Sugar Diet. I ordered the book to give it a read and I was pleasantly surprised! it all made perfect sense to me. Still being a complete beginner when it came to nutrition, I learned so much from that book and felt really motivated to try it.
This diet is no walk in the park… It’s 800 calories a day for eight weeks with no simple carbs like pasta, white potato, rice, bread or sugar. In order to be successful, you have to count and cook everything that you put in your mouth. I did my calorie counting on MyFitnessPal which connects nicely to the Fitbit app which helped me monitor my progress. There’s no room for eating out or dining with friends during this plan (unless you’re cooking) so total dedication is needed. Thankfully, there’s a great recipe book which is super helpful when starting out, and a Facebook group for people to encourage each-other and share meal tips.
With summer fast approaching, I blocked out my diary for the next two months. No travelling and no social plans which revolve around food or alcohol. I told myself that this was it and I was all-in. I’m a very ‘all or nothing’ kinda guy, so this was ok for me. I just had to get into the right head space for it and re-focus on my fat-loss journey.
When you’re eating this way, you really start to understand calories and how different foods affect your body. ‘Yes, I’d love a pint of beer, but at 200 calories, I’d rather eat lunch today…’ For someone who knew none of the basics of nutrition, this was a game-changer for me. Was it tough? God yes. Did I get results? Absolutely, and best of all, for the first time I felt like the grey cloud which obscured my view of nutrition had cleared.
After eight weeks of eating by the book, I lost 31lbs (14kg) and was now 198lbs (90kg) and 20.4% body fat. While I enjoyed the compliments from shocked friends about how good I looked, I still felt a long way from feeling as lean as I wanted to. I wasn’t yet close enough to the 12-15% body fat bracket I had hoped to be in. I told myself that I’d be able to loose the rest over time, while trying to gain some muscle.
A pandemic, you say?
For the next two years, I focused mostly on training and continued to make better choices with food. This helped me to maintain my weight well, but I still hadn’t shifted the rest of it. I grew frustrated and then COVID-19 happened… Having just moved to a new country to start a new job I was now faced with a lockdown. Feeling homesick and lonely, I turned to my kitchen to make home/comfort foods. Within a month I had gained 7lbs (3kg).
My ultimate goal is to be leaner and build a nicely muscular body. I don’t feel the need to look like the hulk though. Understanding the basics of nutrition much better, I now know that If I want to lose weight, I have to be in calorie deficit. If I want to gain muscle, I have to be in calorie surplus. That very simple fact means that I cannot achieve both objectives at once. I needed to take a phased approach.
Phase one: Strip the fat
To gain muscle, you generally have to eat 500 calories more than your maintenance calories on the days you’re hitting the gym. If you’re overweight, your maintenance calories are already high, so eating 500 more than that would be an obscene amount of food. I knew The Blood Sugar Diet worked for me – I just needed to motivate myself to do it.
I set myself a time box and steamed ahead. For June and July I would have my head in the game rather than the fridge. Something was different this time. I knew what I was doing and no one’s words of doubt would bother me. I understood food so much better and I found focus in challenging myself to create diet-friendly versions of the food I was craving to eat which made it (almost) fun!
Exercise on 800 cals a day isn’t really sustainable, but I kept active by walking to work and back every day (30 mins each way). It was sad to see what little muscle I had melt away along with the fat, but I knew it was only temporary and it would come back easily once I got back into the gym.
One month in I had already created several dishes which were really hitting the spot. I found friends, family and Instagram followers were interested to have the recipes so I started thinking about a way to set up a simple recipe site. I think my eldest sister was hoping I’d be the next Joe Wicks, but I had no desire for that. With lots of time on my hands and a need for distractions, my mind started working and I realised I had a lot more to talk about than some 300-calorie recipes. Building The Homo Post really helped me to focus on my goals and keep my mind away from cake cravings.
I weighed myself every morning before my first coffee with my Fitbit smart scales and by the end of the eight weeks I was thrilled to see that I had achieved my goal! At 15% I was a healthy body fat percentage for the first time in my life!
I feel much better in clothes and far less self-conscious about which bits are on show but I must say that I had really hoped by the time I reached this goal I would feel like I could completely relax my stomach without having a belly but clearly I wasn’t being realistic. I asked myself “Is this normal? – does everyone just suck it in all the time?” Who’s got time for that? It’s exhausting! 🙄
Phase two: build that body
The gymming hour is now upon me to switch focus, start eating more and start working out again. Now feeling like a skinny weakling I’m kinda intimidated about going back to the gym, but I’m sure I’ll be fine after the first week. I plan to stay in this phase for six months. Based on estimations that muscle gain of 1-2 lbs per month is achievable, hopefully I’ll be able to gain 10-12lbs (5kg) within that time-frame, while keeping as lean as possible. I’m excited to see how that will effect my body composition!
Phase three: Cut again!
Depending on how I feel after phase two, I might need to do one month of the diet again to get leaner. If I can get somewhere between 10-12% body fat after the muscle gain period, hopefully I’ll finally have the body of my dreams! I don’t need to have a six pack, but I would so love to have a flat stomach and just feel like I can relax, breathe and feel comfortable rather than give myself a hernia from sucking it in while walking to the supermarket… wish me luck!
Saggy Sally
Something which some people might not think about is that when you lose a lot of weight (especially in a short period of time), you can end up with loose skin.
Now having the luxury of space in my new flat in Berlin, I treated myself to a sling. The first time I used it, the guy wanted to take a picture of me in it. When I saw it I was horrified… I looked like a Salvador Dali painting, but instead of melting clocks, it was my loose skin hanging over the sling bed and the chains… HOT!
For some, this will gradually get better over time but there are things you can do to help speed-up the process. Every night I use a body brush to exfoliate the skin in the worst-offending areas. I then I follow up with using Unscented Coco Butter. There are lots of expensive creams and serums available which claim to be skin-tightening, but they’re really not necessary. There’s a reason why Coco Butter is such a highly-consumed product – it works! Ask any woman who’s carried a child…
A continuing conclusion
I suspect I’ll be on my fat-to-fit journey for a long time to come. Here are my key takeaways for anyone who’s wondering how to start their own transformation mission:
1 – If you’re overweight and want to be lean and muscular, lose as much fat as you can first and then build muscle.
2 – If fat loss is what you’re focusing on, and you have a lot to lose, I strongly recommend you read The Blood Sugar Diet book and give it a go. You’ll learn a lot, achieve a lot and the fast, sustainable results are really motivating.
3 – Make them eat shit! While changing your body should only ever be about making YOU happy, whatever your goals, be it health & fitness, personal or professional, there will always be people who doubt your willpower. They’ll say it’s a fad and hope that you fail. Just remember that this always comes from a place of insecurity – use those words of doubt as motivation. Show them what you’re made of and make them EAT IT! I can’t express how satisfying that will feel. 😉
Please note that I have not been sponsored to recommend these products but as an Amazon Associate I will earn a small commission from qualifying purchases.
